Poor McOldman

Poor McOldman

By Tato Smith

Twas the year 2006 and there were many a Walmart about. People loved Walmart with all their hearts. They could get great bargains at the Walmart, especially on Sunday afternoons when they have the free samples out.


But the good, experienced Walmart shoppers knew not to go shopping at Walmart before 10 O’clock at night. But the old people often go earlier than that so they can go to bed early. So this is the story of one poor old mans experience at the Walmart.

Yay Walmart

His name was Cletus Bob McOldman. He decided to go to Walmart at about 5:30 p.m. Big mistake. He entered the Walmart and was almost immediately run down by annoying small children racing around with a shopping cart unsupervised by their adoring parents, causing his toupee to fall off.

Oh dear

Poor Mr. McOldman was terribly embarrassed. He quickly got up and placed his toupee back on top of his head and continued shopping. He soon found him self stuck on an aisle with two incredibly trashy, stinky, inbred people with about two teeth that were probably from Arkansas or somewhere like that. They were standing right in front of what he needed and wouldn’t move. They just stood there talking like retards.


Mr. McOldman was starting to get a little frustrated after standing there for 8 minutes waiting for the morons to get out of the way. So then he went to go get some denture cream but on the way encountered several families (or herds) of Mexicans with their 15 kids: all screaming and running around crazily. He held on tight to his toupee this time.


The screaming was so loud poor Mr. McOldman couldn’t hear anymore. The herd was running all over, stepping on Mr. McOldman’s toes, and destroying the Walmart. Poor Mr. McOldman had had enough! He couldn’t take it any longer. So he picked up the boxes of denture cream and threw them at the herd, knocking them all to the floor.

Take that

There was silence. Mr. McOldman was happy. He went and finished his shopping in peace and quiet and returned home, never to go to Walmart before 10 O’clock in the evening again. The end



  1. heehee me likes this one. i usually go after 10 it seems like too.
    lovely art work!

  2. Ha – I loved the first and now I’m hooked! So much so, I added a link to your page on my blog! Hope you don’t mind! How do you manage paint so well? I still can’t make a nice circle.

  3. I remember that happening to us at Walmart too. Stupid kids. I never did get my denture cream…

  4. Hah, thats great. My grandpa’s name is Cleatus, so is my Brothers but he goes by his middle name instead.

  5. haha… his toupee looks like turd! and the last slide looks like he just robbed the place!

Leave a comment