11
Feb 14

Worst Things Ever

I’m sure you’ve all seen those blogs with “The 20 Most Whatevers,” well here is my personal list of the 17 worst things ever.

 

1.  Some might think it nice, or a luxury, but to me, sitting down on an already warm toilet seat is nothing more than terrible.

Warm Toilet Seat

2.  Nothing is more frustrating when you choose self checkout because you think it will be faster and then hearing, ‘Unexpected item in the bagging area’ or ‘Attendant has been notified to assist you.’  Curse you, self checkout!

self checkout

 

3. This. I don’t even need to say anymore about how awful this is.

socks with a hole in the toe

 

4.  Crotch Sniffers. You go to someone’s house who has large dogs and immediately they go in for the crotch. Nice to see you too!…Not!

dog sniffing crotch

 

5.  When you try to shake someone’s hand who wasn’t trying to shake yours. Pretty embarrassing. And how to you save yourself when this happens? Just scratch your nose.

mistaken handshake

 

6.  Wet sleeve. You get the end of your shirt sleeve wet while washing your hands or doing dishes. Then it’s wet and cold forever. You could just change your shirt and make more laundry, but come on, who really wants to do that?

wet sleeve

 

7.  You’ve already been seated at a restaurant and after looking at the menu, you realize that you do not want to eat here. Do you stay anyways, or get up and walk out leaving the staff wondering? Well this is pretty awkward.

Not eating here

8. When you’re reintroduced to someone you’ve already met before, but they don’t remember you at all. You’re just that forgettable.

I don't remember you

 

9.  The feeling you get when you finally realize the person you were talking to is no longer there and you’ve been talking to yourself for who knows how long.

Talking to yourself

 

10.  When you’ve stepped just over the line while bowling.

Crossed the line

 

11. Getting a snowflake in your eye. If this has never happened to you, just know that it sucks.

 

12.  When you put on a coat or jacket while wearing long sleeves and everything gets all bunched up.

Michelin man sleeves

 

13.  When you’re cooking and realize that you’ve forgotten to put in one of the most important ingredients and you have to try to work it in somehow.

forgot ingredient

 

14. When your hair reaches that length that it get’s stuck in places it shouldn’t be.

hair in armpits

 

15. When you’re going through the clearance rack and find an awesome shirt and are super stoked. Then you realize it was on the wrong rack and isn’t on sale.

clearance

 

16.  When this happens.

missed the straw

 

17.  When you misjudge how low a seat actually is.

misjudged seating height

 


25
Mar 11

Mashed Potatoes

Once there was a big bowl of mashed potatoes. They were super yummy mashed potatoes because the girl had made them and she was a good cook. The potatoes were happy because it was a nice Friday evening, they were warm and the people were enjoying the crap outta them. They, were super yummy potatoes.

But the people got too full to eat them all and had to put the rest of the super yummy mashed potatoes in a GladWare container in the refrigerator.  This made the potatoes sad, but they reassured themselves that the people loved them and would soon be back to warm them up and enjoy some more of their delectibleness. The potatoes waited.

But the people began eating out at restaurants and soon forgot about the super yummy mashed potatoes in the GladWare container in the back of the refrigerator. The potatoes waited and waited for days and days. They started to become angry. ‘Why haven’t the people come back to endulge in more of our tastinesses?!’ Thought the potatoes. ‘Are we not good enough for them anymore?!’ The potatoes wanted to plan their revenge and get back at the people for abandoning them in the cold, dark refrigerator. ‘But what can we do from inside this GladeWare container in the back of the refrigerator? ‘ they wondered. They schemed.

After scheming for quite some time, the potatoes came up with a plan. It was pretty much the only thing they could do, being trapped in the GladWare container and all. They decided they would become so repulsive,  so stinky that when the people finally remembered them again and opened the GladWare container, their putrid stench and hideous appearance would burn the nose hairs right outta the people noses and make them want to puke. So this is what they did. The potatoes strained with all their might, and after a few days of strenuous labor, the potatoes sprouted some lovely, fuzzy hair and managed to change color. The potatoes were proud. They sat there a few more days to become more stinky and let their hair grow out. Finally, they were ready.

The day finally came when the girl remembered the super yummy mashed potatoes that were still in the back of the refrigerator. She opened the door and reached for the GladWare container of mashed potatoes.  The potatoes chuckled an evil chuckle to themselves. It was finally time for payback. The girl looked through the clear GladWare container and saw that the potatoes where yucky. She decided not to open the container. Based in the physical appearance of the once super yummy mashed potatoes, she came to the conclusion that they probably wouldn’t smell very good. So the girl chucked the whole GladWare container into the trash can, “Don’t get mad, get Glad!” The girl muttered to herself as she walked away.


09
Jan 09

Gerald Toad

Gerald Toad

By Tato Smith

Once there was a toad named Gerald.  He lived in a pond full of frogs and he was the only toad.  Everyone knows frogs and toads don’t get along, they’re like Crypts and Bloods and were constantly fighting.  Gerald felt a little out numbered so he decided to leave.  He didn’t know where to go so he just headed West towards the wooded area about 2.4 miles away.

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05
Dec 08

Janice’s Phobia

Janice’s Phobia

By Tato Smith

There was once a girl named Janice who had a strange fear.  She was afraid to tell anyone of this fear because it was so outrageously stupid and ridiculous.  People would laugh at her and think she was insane if they knew.  So she tried to keep her fear of using the toilet in the dark to herself.  She was afraid that when she got up at night to use the bathroom that snakes would come up through the toilet and bite her bum.  You see, she saw it on TV one time that snakes could do that.

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31
Oct 08

Jasper the retarded ghost

Jasper The Retarded Ghost

By Tato Smith

Once upon a time, there was a ghost name Tammy.  Tammy was getting ready to have a baby ghost and she was sooo excited she was going to have a little terror to help scare people.  She had big plans for all the scary things that they would do together and couldn’t wait for him to arrive.  She would name him Jasper.

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02
Sep 08

Robert’s Voyage

Robert’s Voyage

By Tato Smith

Once upon a time, somewhere where it’s very cold and there’s lots of snow, there lived a walrus.  His name was Robert.  Robert was usually a friendly walrus.  His hobbies were riding his tricycle, (he couldn’t ride a bicycle cuz he was too big and heavy and needed more support) ice fishing and knitting.

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25
Jul 08

Not a good sign

Well that's not a good sign

Well that's not a good sign


12
Jun 08

Sam Pear

Sam Pear

By Tato Smith

Once upon a time there was a Pear named Sam.  Yep, a pear.  He lived a community just for fruits to live in.  But Sam Pear was the only one of his kind.  There were no other pears living in the complex.  All the other fruits hassled him about it.  They would say mean things like, "Hey Pear, where’s your pair?!" Because pear and pair sound the same.. aahaa, funny! But Sam didn’t really find it funny.  Poor Sam Pear.

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01
May 08

Skippy’s Loss

Skippy’s Loss

By Tato Smith

There was once a guy known as, “Skippy.” He was the best professional golf cart racer around, everyone knew him. He was just one race away from winning the trophy, he had to win this next race! So he was busy training and getting ready for the big race because you have to be in the best of shape to race golf carts.

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04
Mar 08

Mens Way of Thinking

Mens Way of Thinking