Stories


25
Oct 16

Corny McCornhead

There once was a man called Corny McCornhead, for he had the most awful, yellowish hair that much resembled the silk at the end of a ear of corn. Corny McCornhead was a very wealthy man and had plenty of money. He could have had decent looking hair, but for whatever reason, he decided to comb his corn silk hair all the way from the back, to the front. It was quite a sight to see on a windy day. Many people made fun of his hair, and hey, why not?

Corny McCornhead

Corny McCornhead was not well liked by most people. He was exceedingly arrogant, conceited and smug. So having terrible hair made is at least slightly enjoyable for people who had to see him. He was the kind of guy you could see being the most spoiled rotten brat as a child. The kind who wasn’t used to always having what he wanted. For when things started to not go his way, or someone did something or said something against him, he would almost immediately retort with insults and jabs at that person’s physical appearance. I suppose this made him feel better about himself.

Corny Mccornhead - You're Fat

He also seemed to have severe issues with memory. He would talk to people, say one thing, and then 5 minutes later have no recollection of ever having said such things.

Corn McCornhead - Wrong

Corny McCornhed liked women, oh yes, he liked them. But he didn’t LIKE THEM like them. He liked the pretty ones. Those who weren’t so good looking, or said or did something he didn’t like usually got called some choice names. He felt he was more, that he amounted to much more than any woman ever could. He also seemed to have a very poor concept of how women’s bodies worked. He was once disgusted to learn that females, like males, also use the restroom.  That among other things showed just how clueless and oblivious he was to how things worked.

Corny McCornhead - EEW

He also always thought things, whether they be games, contests, competitions, anything he would do that didn’t turn out in his favor was “rigged.” He made sure to loudly voice this if he lost, or was ever losing something.

Corny McCornhead - Rigged
You can pretty well see what he was like. He kept on insulting, belittling and bothering people with his nonsense day in and day out. For a while it was somewhat amusing and even comical, but eventually everyone got tired of all his crap. They decided to work together to devise a plan, and locked him up in his tower and told him never ever to come out again. The world went on to be better and much more peaceful place. The End.

Corny McCornhead - Tower


25
Mar 11

Mashed Potatoes

Once there was a big bowl of mashed potatoes. They were super yummy mashed potatoes because the girl had made them and she was a good cook. The potatoes were happy because it was a nice Friday evening, they were warm and the people were enjoying the crap outta them. They, were super yummy potatoes.

But the people got too full to eat them all and had to put the rest of the super yummy mashed potatoes in a GladWare container in the refrigerator.  This made the potatoes sad, but they reassured themselves that the people loved them and would soon be back to warm them up and enjoy some more of their delectibleness. The potatoes waited.

But the people began eating out at restaurants and soon forgot about the super yummy mashed potatoes in the GladWare container in the back of the refrigerator. The potatoes waited and waited for days and days. They started to become angry. ‘Why haven’t the people come back to endulge in more of our tastinesses?!’ Thought the potatoes. ‘Are we not good enough for them anymore?!’ The potatoes wanted to plan their revenge and get back at the people for abandoning them in the cold, dark refrigerator. ‘But what can we do from inside this GladeWare container in the back of the refrigerator? ‘ they wondered. They schemed.

After scheming for quite some time, the potatoes came up with a plan. It was pretty much the only thing they could do, being trapped in the GladWare container and all. They decided they would become so repulsive,  so stinky that when the people finally remembered them again and opened the GladWare container, their putrid stench and hideous appearance would burn the nose hairs right outta the people noses and make them want to puke. So this is what they did. The potatoes strained with all their might, and after a few days of strenuous labor, the potatoes sprouted some lovely, fuzzy hair and managed to change color. The potatoes were proud. They sat there a few more days to become more stinky and let their hair grow out. Finally, they were ready.

The day finally came when the girl remembered the super yummy mashed potatoes that were still in the back of the refrigerator. She opened the door and reached for the GladWare container of mashed potatoes.  The potatoes chuckled an evil chuckle to themselves. It was finally time for payback. The girl looked through the clear GladWare container and saw that the potatoes where yucky. She decided not to open the container. Based in the physical appearance of the once super yummy mashed potatoes, she came to the conclusion that they probably wouldn’t smell very good. So the girl chucked the whole GladWare container into the trash can, “Don’t get mad, get Glad!” The girl muttered to herself as she walked away.


9
Jan 09

Gerald Toad

Gerald Toad

By Tato Smith

Once there was a toad named Gerald.  He lived in a pond full of frogs and he was the only toad.  Everyone knows frogs and toads don’t get along, they’re like Crypts and Bloods and were constantly fighting.  Gerald felt a little out numbered so he decided to leave.  He didn’t know where to go so he just headed West towards the wooded area about 2.4 miles away.

Continue reading →


5
Dec 08

Janice’s Phobia

Janice’s Phobia

By Tato Smith

There was once a girl named Janice who had a strange fear.  She was afraid to tell anyone of this fear because it was so outrageously stupid and ridiculous.  People would laugh at her and think she was insane if they knew.  So she tried to keep her fear of using the toilet in the dark to herself.  She was afraid that when she got up at night to use the bathroom that snakes would come up through the toilet and bite her bum.  You see, she saw it on TV one time that snakes could do that.

Continue reading →


31
Oct 08

Jasper the retarded ghost

Jasper The Retarded Ghost

By Tato Smith

Once upon a time, there was a ghost name Tammy.  Tammy was getting ready to have a baby ghost and she was sooo excited she was going to have a little terror to help scare people.  She had big plans for all the scary things that they would do together and couldn’t wait for him to arrive.  She would name him Jasper.

Continue reading →


2
Sep 08

Robert’s Voyage

Robert’s Voyage

By Tato Smith

Once upon a time, somewhere where it’s very cold and there’s lots of snow, there lived a walrus.  His name was Robert.  Robert was usually a friendly walrus.  His hobbies were riding his tricycle, (he couldn’t ride a bicycle cuz he was too big and heavy and needed more support) ice fishing and knitting.

Continue reading →


12
Jun 08

Sam Pear

Sam Pear

By Tato Smith

Once upon a time there was a Pear named Sam.  Yep, a pear.  He lived a community just for fruits to live in.  But Sam Pear was the only one of his kind.  There were no other pears living in the complex.  All the other fruits hassled him about it.  They would say mean things like, "Hey Pear, where’s your pair?!" Because pear and pair sound the same.. aahaa, funny! But Sam didn’t really find it funny.  Poor Sam Pear.

Continue reading →


1
May 08

Skippy’s Loss

Skippy’s Loss

By Tato Smith

There was once a guy known as, “Skippy.” He was the best professional golf cart racer around, everyone knew him. He was just one race away from winning the trophy, he had to win this next race! So he was busy training and getting ready for the big race because you have to be in the best of shape to race golf carts.

Continue reading →


13
Jan 08

Magic Spoon

Magic Spoon

By Tato Smith

One time there was this girl. She was hungry so she decided to put some soup in the microwave. So this is what she did. But once she pushed the cook button she felt a weird sensation go through her body. She was confused as to what it was but she didn’t think too much of it.

Continue reading →


13
Dec 07

Poor Tree

Poor Tree

By Tato Smith

One Christmas, a family decided to put up their first Christmas tree together. But this being their first Christmas tree, they didn’t have any pretty ornaments, lights or anything to put on it. They wanted to buy some but they were real poor like. But they thought they would set one up anyways without anything on it. They didn’t think it would be a problem. But they didn’t know trees have feelings too. So there he sat next to the window, bare and naked.

Continue reading →